How Can Living With A Depressed Person Make You Depressed?

Living with someone, especially someone you love, who is depressed can be hard. It is hard to watch some you love struggle. It is also hard to be around them because living with a depressed person can make you depressed. Even if you are a generally happy, positive person, it can still happen.

So how can living with a depressed person make you depressed?

Here are a few things to watch out for:

Do you tend to feel obligated to help others at all costs?

Most of us value being supportive of those we love. That is a good thing. But do you find yourself feeling responsible for others well being? Or say yes, when you want to say no? If you are answering yes to these questions, you may find yourself feeling depleted and maybe even angry or resentful.

When you over-caretake, you can end up feeling depressed.

Over-caretaking is a symptom of codependency. To learn more about codependency, this article may be helpful.

When you live with a depressed person, you probably want to do everything you can to make them feel better. Conceptually, that is kind and thoughtful. But in reality, self-sacrificing yourself – time and energy – won’t be what pulls them out of their suffering.

You can, however, still support and love them, without self-sacrificing. Showing compassion, empathy, and encouragement to get professional help will probably be the most impactful.

And at the end of the day, they are responsible for their thoughts, feelings, actions, and physical and mental well-being.

As uncomfortable as it is to watch someone you love suffer, if they choose not to take care of themselves and seek help, you have to respect their choice. If you struggle with accepting their choice, you could be setting yourself up for depression.

Are you a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)?

What does it mean to be an HSP? It means that you are mentally and physically more attuned to others’ emotional energy and your environment.

If you are feeling good one minute, then someone you love who is depressed walks in the room, you may start feeling depressed. This is because you feel their energy.

It is important for you to be aware that what you are feeling is what they are feeling, and not take it on as your own.

Being an HSP can be a gift and a curse.

It is a gift because sensing others’ (those you care about) emotional energy allows you to attend to them. “Attend” does not mean self-sacrifice. It just means checking in or supporting them while taking care of yourself at the same time.

It is a curse for the very same reason. Picking up on all of the energy around you can wear you out, especially if you don’t know what is happening, or how to set boundaries.

Do you struggle with setting boundaries?

Setting boundaries, whether external or internal, is an essential interpersonal and intrapersonal life skill.

Believe it or not, boundaries help create connection.

Remember that you are not responsible for others’ mental well-being. You are only responsible for your own. If you don’t set boundaries, others may run all over you. And if the depressed person you love is running all over you expecting you to take care of their mental well-being, you will probably become angry, resentful, and depressed. All of this can happen if you aren’t setting boundaries.

It can be helpful to know that everyone’s assertive human right is that they have the right to ask for whatever they want. And the person they are asking has the right to say “yes” or “no.”

If you have trouble setting boundaries, this article may help.

Do you spend enough time with people who aren’t depressed?

People in relationships do influence one another. Mirror Neurons may begin to explain how living with a depressed person can cause you to become depressed. If you are living with someone and every day you observe their low energy, labile mood, irritability, loss of interest, or feeling hopeless, then over time you can take all of those symptoms on as your own.

So if your loved one is depressed, it is important for you to spend time with others who aren’t. Be around others who make you laugh, and whose energy makes you feel good. This can help you take care of your mental well-being.

How good are you at taking care of yourself?

If you struggle with any of the above, you may not be great at taking care of yourself. Or if you don’t struggle with any of the above, you may be better at taking care of yourself, but maybe there is room for improvement.

Setting boundaries, saying no, and not taking on others’ emotions as your own, are all ways of taking care of yourself, but what about your day-to-day?

Struggling with depression is hard, but living with a depressed person is also hard. This is not about placing blame. Another part of taking care of yourself is taking accountability for yourself. So if living with a person who is depressed makes you depressed, it isn’t their fault.

Self-care in your day-to-day life is important to manage life’s stressors. You don’t want to wait until the proverbial wheels come off to start with self-care. Self-care helps keep the wheels on.

Fun, relaxation, surrounding yourself with people who give off good feels, adventure, or any pleasurable activity is part of taking care of yourself, and are important for your physical and mental well-being.

Most people have times in their life when they struggle with depression. So chances are, you will be living with someone who has a time when they are struggling. However, this doesn’t mean they will be depressed forever. And the best thing you can do for them during this time is show compassion, support their efforts for getting professional help, and take care of yourself in the process.

Jacqueline V. Cohen is a licensed professional counselor and an ADHD-certified clinical specialist provider specializing in perinatal mental health and adult ADHD. To learn more about her services, you can go to her website. You can also contact her by email.